never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
