Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
