I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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