think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
