Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What a dumb baby whore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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