listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
