My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize