sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
