yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
