i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize