FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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