I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
