How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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