No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
