Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
