Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
