After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just pee around me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
