I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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