are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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