my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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