I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
