An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
