your parents love me but you hate me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
