Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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