he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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