is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
