I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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