you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Houston, we have a blender
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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