tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
