She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
this hospital has no fireball
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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