I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
