You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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