woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
