My nipple is on Facebook.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
