1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
