First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
