i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
