i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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