No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
