I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
