Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
