Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
