Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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