Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
