We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
