I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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