A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
