I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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