I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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