took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Two words: nipple clamps
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