Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
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remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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