I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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