I'm lost and stupid without you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
