she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
