I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
