Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
