When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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