every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
